I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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