i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
