The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
