Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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