now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
