Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
