Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
