Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
