its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
