A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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