I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
