$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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