Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
