We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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