On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Too much gin, very little bucket
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
