The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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