Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
