Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
