I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
