FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
