I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
