All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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