just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you made out with another girl for some wings
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
