but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she told me i tasted like america
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
