What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
