a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
