Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
