my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
