I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday