I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize