she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
