i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
be right there i have to get my cape
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall