I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?