Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
