Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
