The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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