All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
