i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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