A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
