I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
