I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The adults are the big ones right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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