you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
