Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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