At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
