you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
