i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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