worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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