I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
