yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
