Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
