it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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