Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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