I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
