I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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