Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
