I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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