make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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