As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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