He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
