i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
