So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
