I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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