it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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