I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
