if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex